Last weekend, I had a hellish time. I was anxious and worried. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure what I was so worried about. Just the week before I was writing about being joyful and in the next few days, my mind was filled with anguish and uncertainty. I was unsettled, terribly unsettled. I couldn’t sleep properly, I kept getting up in the middle of the night, sometimes around 3 or 4 am.
I was not feeling good. And I was not praying regularly. Usually when I don’t get a chance to devote some time to the Lord I feel like I’ve not done something, it’s always at the back of my mind, like my day is not complete. But this time, the feeling wasn’t there. I was prioritizing other things and prayer was just not on top of the list.
So when I finally made my visit to the Blessed Sacrament in the church, I told the Lord, to take it all. To take my burdens and help me through whatever anxiousness had taken over my heart, as He has promised. I remembered Mathew 11:28 when I said this. “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
The Lord was not slow in responding. That same day, I got up in the middle of the night and this sudden thought came to my mind. Fear does not come from the Lord. Its 3.30 in the morning, and now I’m having this dialogue with the Lord. He’s telling me fear does not come from Him. And my faith and trust, which had taken a back seat lately, reared up and agreed. Fear is not from the Lord. The gift of the Holy Spirit is joy. I was troubled that I had doubted. Here I was, profusely apologizing to the Lord in the middle of the night, for not having trust and faith in His goodness, for giving in to fear and anxiety.
Truly, fear does not come from the Lord. I cannot say it enough! It is a lesson I’ve had to learn again and again, this time in a way I will not forgot anytime soon.